“To thine own self be true,” was a phrase spoken by Polonius in Hamlet. It means ‘do not deceive yourself’. The full quote is:

to thine own self be true,

and it must follow, as the night the day,

Thou canst not then be false to any man

This quote could certainly apply to our own lives and politicians lives as well. But today we’ll confine our discussion to how the quote “ to thine own self be true,” applies to politicians’ lives.

Republican Senator Rob Portman  recently announced his support for same-sex marriage, saying he reversed his position on the divisive social issue after his son came out as gay.  He recently wrote in an op-ed piece in the Columbus Dispatch and said, “I have come to believe that if two people are prepared to make a lifetime commitment to love and care for each other in good times and in bad, the government shouldn’t deny them the opportunity to get married. As a longtime Congressman and more recently a senator, he opposed marriage for same-sex couples. “Then something happened that led me to think through my position in a much deeper way,” Senator Portman wrote in the op-ed.

His son said that his sexuality was “not a choice, it was who he is and that he had been that way since he could remember.”

“It allowed me to think of this from a new perspective, and that’s of a dad who loves his son a lot and wants him to have the same opportunities that his brother and sister would have – to have a relationship like Jane and I have had for over 26 years,” his son’s father said.

Senator Portman’s changed stance comes amid spreading support for same-sex marriage. Forty-eight percent of Americans supported same-sex marriage in 2012, up from 35 percent a decade ago, according to a Pew Research Center analysis from Dec. 2012.

From what I just shared with you, it seems that Senator Portman changed his views on support for same-sex marriage after he considered all aspects of the problem, which was prompted by the angst that cognitive dissonance created when he learned of his son’s gay life style in 2011. The anxiety occurred because of the difference that existed between his sexual orientation and his son’s homosexual course.

Your attention is directed to my book What Would Our Founding Fathers Say, where I discuss in some depth the role cognitive dissonance plays not only in each of our own lives, but particularly the lives of politicians as well. I say particularly “politicians,” because when Senator Portman learned his son was gay, instead of following the party line by not supporting same sex marriages for no other reason than that’s what “faithful” Republican party loyalists do, he chose to keep an open mind and independently came to his own conclusion, even if it was a decision contrary to what a “dyed-in-the-wool” Republican might do. What he did was to resolve the conflict and in that way reduce the anxiety to a tolerable level. By his doing that, he remained true to his own values and ideals, which meant he protected his integrity by being honest with himself and others.

The reason it’s difficult for politicians to maintain their integrity is because they have to listen to and be responsive to views different than their own. If politicians feel bound to their particular party position, it’s very difficult for them to be empathetic or compassionate to views and situations different from their own – just like what happened between Senator Portman and his gay son. Cognitive dissonance forced Senator Portman to reexamine his views on same sex orientation as an alternative life style. It’s very possible if this conflict between his son and himself never occurred, he never would have changed his views on gay marriages, and blind acceptance of the Republican stance would continue to persist.

Senator Portman’s dilemma is just one of many examples of potential conflicts  that either Democratic or Republican politicians will experience if they don’t routinely challenge the basic tenets of the political party to which they are a member.

We need to trust that our representatives will consider our views and needs and not just their own or their party’s.